Archive by author: TheSecretTradesmanReturn
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Plumbers and Electricians are not the same thing

Plumbers and Electricians are not the same thing

“Look” goes Jimmy. “I’m not trying to be funny or anything, and due respect to every spanner monkeys training and all that, but I can do this job. Plumbing is not actually all that hard.” We’re in the boozer and Jimmy, an electrician mind, is talking up his plumbing abilities after a few scoops. He’s in the middle of an electrical job in Dublin city centre and the house owner has offered him a few quid more to move a toilet in their bathroom. Something about him not having enough room to...
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The Secret tradesman goes shopping

The Secret tradesman goes shopping

I walk onto the site, not really knowing what to expect. As it happens I should have prepared for the worst. They’re all lined up waiting for me. We’re talking Jimmy, Damo, Tomaz and about ten other regulars.  They start singing that Pulp song by yer man Jarvis Coker. They don’t sound too bad actually, even allowing for Tomasz who has less musical ability than the mixing drill he’s waving above his head.   “I took her to a supermarket, I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere, s...
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The Secret Tradesman Sub Contracts

The Secret Tradesman Sub Contracts

"This one has a serious amount of torque, over 500 Newton meters. It comes with two five amp hour lithium ion batteries that run for over.." Yak-edy, yak, yak. Feic, all I did was pick the thing up and he's over to me faster than a speeding ticket. I actually already know all about this drill, but no harm in me getting some confirmation I suppose. As soon as I get the money in from the jobs I'm on, I'll be straight online to buy it for about 100 quid cheaper than these clowns are trying to flog...
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The Secret Tradesman does an attic conversion

The Secret Tradesman does an attic conversion

We’re heading over to Howth in Damo’s van to put the finishing touches to an Attic Conversion. We’ve been working on it for a few weeks either side of Christmas and we’re nearly done. “I’ve always liked Howth” goes Damo. “It’s a bit like Dublin 4 but the people are bit, I dunno, more real or something.” “Not much real about Samantha I reckon. She’s got a pair of bazookas that look like they were manufactured in the Goodyear blimp factory.” “Joe, for feics sake” he says. “That’...
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The Secret Tradesmen Does Christmas Flat Pack Assembly

The Secret Tradesmen Does Christmas Flat Pack Assembly

“Sure there are always a few screws and things left over with this type of stuff” I go. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m over at my sister Doreen’s. I was lured in by the "Sure, just pop over for a few bevvies" line. I really should have learnt by now. There's no such thing as a free mince pie – even they came from Dealz and have less filling in them than Angelia Jolie’s Chompers. I'm in the door about 10 minutes with a can of Royal Dutch in my hand when I get asked to put together a doll’s h...
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The Secret Tradesman and the right to water protest

The Secret Tradesman and the right to water protest

"I'm not sure I'm at the right pay grade to tell you either way" I go. This fella's been rooting around the site for a while and finally plucked up the courage to ask for some old timber that's been lying around the site. He is definitely a bit suss - we were actually planning on getting Tomasz, who is some sort of polish weight lifting champion, to go down and put the frighteners up him before he actually strolled up to ask us about it. We even had Tomasz coached on how to say 'what's the blee...
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